My Big Break

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God Respects Us When We Work, but Loves Us When We Dance

good afternoon ~

happy today to share (instead of your regular MBB email) a new piece of music from Friends Meeting, my duo with M. Geddes Gengras. Please enjoy "God Respects Us When We Work, but Loves Us When We Dance," out today from Going In:

Listen + stream here (bandcamp exclusive!):

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#165
June 1, 2023
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oops, all demons!

good morning ~

(click the link / sunset statue to listen)

https://mybigbreak.bandcamp.com/track/oops-all-demons
a beautiful copper statue stands majestically above a sunset over the hudson river and there is a tiny little lighthouse in the distance

today's track is a syrupy piano zone and honestly I don't remember how I made it exactly

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#164
May 25, 2023
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cutlass through the heart

good morning ~

(click the link / up close picture of ice cream to listen)

My Big Breakcutlass through the heart

a closeup picture of cotton candy ice cream from stewart's

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#163
May 18, 2023
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awash in my terrible ripples

good morning ~

(click the link / american eel to listen)

My Big Breakawash in my terrible ripples

carved into some pavement is an illustration of the American Eel showing the average size and record size of the creature - to the left is a pair of feet in socks and birkenstocks

today’s recording features two baby grand pianos - one on cassette tape and one played in live response, intertwining like roses in stained glass

I feel a little too wiped to enthusiastically plug anything rn but I do wanna encourage you to get your tickets to the 24-hour drone at Basilica next month - - it will probably sell out and I am very pumped on what our new quartet accomplished in rehearsal over the weekend.

One day out of nowhere I receive an email from someone I kind of know. It has an insistent, almost admonishing quality, with a link to an entire ass podcast in a flirty pink typeface - sentences that would otherwise appear passive aggressive were they to be emphasized in bold are instead softened. The email wants to be soft, but comes out instead a little rocky. The men are not okay, especially in their relationships and desires - here is a workshop for men to become more okay. On first reading, I am interested in what’s being offered - a multi-week workshop analyzing and breaking down the inherent privileges, challenges, and struggles of the 21st-century male-identifying person. Well surely this is something I should at least consider - despite my soft, curvy body and my dangly little earring I am certainly a white, cis-gender man with facial hair who benefits from various categories of social privilege and could probably stand some more honest introspection (couldn’t we all?). On second reading I begin to realize something - I had never signed up for this person’s email list. So, was my name added to the BCC coincidentally or was this targeted advertising? Did they feel that I ought to sign up because I am an unexamined menace to my community, oblivious and awash of my terrible ripples, despite my having been for the last four years in what I would categorize as a healthy, happy, open-emotionally-but-not-open-in-that-way relationship? The email also implores us receivers to share this information with our wider network, so perhaps it is the band-t-shirt wearing loud noise bros often found at a bar I work at whom this person is targeting via my inbox. Or plausibly it could be just that this person really needs folks to sign up - maybe they need the cash, sliding scale be damned - and there were many email addressed culled and blasted. I can’t know for sure - I have neither the time nor the scratch to enroll in the workshop nor the social standing to question the action directly.

Men - I am frequently surrounded by them, a situation I wouldn’t say I find threatening exactly but is certainly a little uncomfortable on occasion, a bully’s echo. Too many dudes in almost every music scene on earth and very rarely will they ever turn down their guitars. This gig was different, however - to a man every male-presenting person in attendance either made or appreciated recorded or performed music peppered with birdsong. Single hoop piercings and kerchiefs, the hallmark of the therapy-sanded male. Everyone listens intently and an infant feeds at their mother’s breast for the duration of my set. There’s an air of digestible, palatable masculinity and open heartedness in the macho sculptor’s haunted workshop, surrounded by his sharp and rusty tools. I get weird vibes, however, from one obviously charismatic but seemingly wine drunk guy who keeps saying one nice thing and then one asshole thing - I feel as if I am being negged. The next day I text a buddy who confirms my suspicions that the dude is a creep. Which leads me to realize that I would immediately believe anyone were they to tell me of any bad behavior on the part of any of these men, in other words given witness from another person in the community I could immediately believe that any of us are not okay. Even in the rarefied, gentled spaces, the potential is there, just a word or action below.

After the gig I host the touring band at my new place, the first non-family guests we’ve had since moving in. They are sweet, attentive boys who together and indivudally make a spacious, tuned-in kind of music. We eat goat cheese and beer nuts and pickles in my kitchen and talk about where they’re driving to the next day and before long we’re all asleep. More tired than I realize, I miss the first volley of messages on my phone - we’re driving to breakfast a half an hour south, join us if you can! The boys are gone and I’m heading north for work that night. I ask them to send me pictures from the Rockaways but I don’t see them until they’re posted on Instagram a few days later.

Meanwhile I receive a series of texts and messages from three people I’m close to - we are all emotionally invested in each other’s lives and our very active group chat. On this particular evening they are pleasantly drunk at a hotel over a foreign border. They’re having a laugh - did someone actually think that Ben Seretan needed this kind of workshop? I know it’s something of a compliment - they love me for my sweetness. But couldn’t I become even sweeter?

At the first day of my new job I am told to watch a YouTube video produced by the New York State Department of Labor as part of my employee onboarding process. It is required by the state that all new employees complete the training. 54 minutes of terminology, context, and examples with an interactive PDF worksheet that I don’t remember ever completing when I got hired at the bar. I watch the video at 2x speed, confident that I will ace the questions as they occur. I am surprised, instead, that I got a bunch of them wrong. Well, good thing I did the training, I suppose, but I still can’t imagine that I would ever intentionally deadname or suggestively brush up against a coworker. A couple of days later, rushing from the parking lot, my new boss flags me down to introduce me to her husband and co-founder. “Meet Ben,” she says, and then, a little proudly, “he’s the only ever man to officially be on staff.” I apologize and ask her to run that back for me, did I hear her correctly? “Yeah! We’ve never really hired a man before - you must be special!” In that moment I take the last sentence as a command: be special, or else. Minutes later as I pull into the Stewart’s for my third coffee of the day I’m still wondering what it is about me.

But what about you? Are you walking around unexamined? Are you a little perplexed and annoyed having been included on this email list? What does your little dangly earring say about you?

Free post
#162
April 27, 2023
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a little buoy of calm, gently clanging

good morning ~

(click the link / shelves on the move to listen)

My Big Breaka little buoy of calm, gently clangning

two men seen in the distance carry a square set of bookshelves up a driveway

Free post
#161
April 20, 2023
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new sill same pot

good morning ~

(click the link / paint selection to listen)

My Big Breaknew sill same pot

a rack of paint colors at a hardware store

Free post
#160
April 6, 2023
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the magic of the gathering

good morning ~

(click the link / wad of wallpaper to listen)

My Big Breakthe magic of the gathering

a big, balled up wad of ripped-down wallpaper in a room that's being refinished

Free post
#159
March 30, 2023
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how profound our loudest errors

good morning ~

(click the link / humble abode to listen)

My Big Breakhow profound our loudest errors

a falling down gazebo and a humble little pre-fab house with some snow still on the roof thaws against a lovely Catskill backdroptoday's track sounds like music you'd find in a video game from 1997 left out in the rain

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#158
March 23, 2023
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a devil's bloody hoof print

good morning ~

(click the parc de la fontaine / link to listen)

My Big Breaka devil’s bloody hoof print

an orange-and-blue image of a park in Montreal at night eerily lit by street lampssomebody recently asked me why I don't sing on these Thursday tracks - didn't have a good answer, and today's music feels like it could really beautifully envelop a sung tune. maybe it's a demo.

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#157
March 16, 2023
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people together information

good morning ~

(click the link / rat den ceiling to listen)

My Big Breakpeople together information (feat. m. geddes gengras)

a grainy, cropped photo of squiggly lasers projected on a DIY venue ceiling, one room green, one room redtoday's track is a lovely cosmic plinker featuring the glitched modular maneuvers and heavy synth bass of m. geddes gengras, angels in the circuitry

Free post
#156
March 9, 2023
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the deflated curve of your vessel

good morning ~

(click the link / under creek shopping cart to listen)

My Big Breakthe deflated curve of your vessel

beneath the surface of a swirling creek lies a shopping cart completely submerged but still visible, it seems resigned to its fate

Free post
#155
March 2, 2023
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I'm pushing my body to sin faster

good morning ~

(click the link / community rave to listen)

My Big BreakI’m pushing my body to sin faster

Silhouettes of bodies dance before a cascade of lasers in a blue dance floor fog

Free post
#154
February 23, 2023
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you are your own extractor

good morning ~

(click the link / murder to listen)

My Big Breakyou are your own extractor

an airborne murder of crows flying from right to left against a gray, dusky sky

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#153
February 16, 2023
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aloft a mirrored sphere

good morning ~

(click the link / caged moonrise to listen)

My Big Breakaloft a mirrored sphere

seen through a chainlink fence is a rising moon obscured by clouds over a crumbling victorian town

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#152
February 9, 2023
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sibilants hissing in the speakers

good morning ~

(click the link / deconstruction site to listen)

My Big Breaksibilants hissing in the speakers

album art for a track called "sibilants hissing in the speakers" - across a lane of a freeway two cranes appear to be demolishing a building

Free post
#151
February 2, 2023
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heaven is a void between load screens (my big break 2020 - 2022)

good morning ~

today's email

Free post
#150
January 26, 2023
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full of knives and ready to pop

good morning ~

(click the link / chair swing ride to listen)

My Big Breakfull of knives and ready to pop

a blurry image of a chair swing ride at a winter market in Germany

Free post
#149
January 19, 2023
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i felt the cool wind of a million doors opening

good morning ~

(click the link / rainbow oil stain to listen)

My Big Breaki felt the cool wind of a million doors opening

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#148
January 12, 2023
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they beamed tremendous ease

good morning ~

(click the link / plane vista to listen)

My Big Breakthey beamed tremendous ease

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Free post
#147
December 29, 2022
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low risk and high delight

guten morgen ~

(click the link / prague winter market to listen)

My Big Breaklow risk and high delight

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Free post
#146
December 15, 2022
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I am simply riding the faders

good morning ~

(click the link / video feedback screen to listen)

My Big BreakI am simply riding the faders

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Free post
#145
December 8, 2022
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perhaps my party boy days are truly over

good morning ~

(click the link / vinyl graveyard flowers to listen)

My Big Breakperhaps my party boy days are truly over

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#144
December 1, 2022
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spending time with other people together in the dark

good morning ~

(click the link / rave pic to listen)

My Big Breakspending time with other people together in the dark

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Premium post
#143
November 10, 2022
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boy do I have the spirit

good morning ~

(click the link / farm at dusk to listen)

My Big Breakboy do I have the spirit

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Free post
#142
November 3, 2022
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sound of ice, sound of crows, sound of toads, delightful

good morning ~

(click the link / shimmer lake rocks to listen)

My Big Breaksound of ice, sound of crows, sound of toads, delightful

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Free post
#141
October 27, 2022
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clean and alive and shivering

good morning ~

(click the link / faux brick wall to listen)

My Big Breakclean and alive and shivering

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Free post
#140
October 19, 2022
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beer pong into your 30s

good morning ~

(click the link / open east gate to listen)

My Big Breakbeer pong into your 30s

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Free post
#139
October 13, 2022
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the peel of their citrus in the sink

good morning ~

(click the link / flying south V to listen)

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My Big Breakthe peel of their citrus in the sink
Free post
#138
September 29, 2022
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this song is helping me feel a little bit good

good morning ~

(click the link / sunset pool party to listen)

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My Big Breakthis song is helping me feel a little bit good
Free post
#137
September 22, 2022
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jolly bobber

good morning ~

(click the link / grey sky tugboat to listen)

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My Big Breakjolly bobber
Free post
#136
September 15, 2022
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as soon as you carve a spark

good morning ~

(click the link / Vermont sky to listen)

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My Big Breakas soon as you carve a spark
Free post
#135
September 8, 2022
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pedal steel warping in the mph

good morning ~

(click the baby grand to listen)



Stream pedal steel warping in the mph by benjaminseretan | Listen online for free on SoundCloud

birds of various unidentified types singing between weather events / cars rushing by at all hours, ATVs and motorcycles, too from the cars there is the occasional muffled kick drum or if the windows

today's track + writing is the final installment of "sandhills music," which is now available via Tiny Showcase, on Bandcamp, or wherever you stream music - - thank you for listening!

Free post
#134
September 1, 2022
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sandhills music - out now!

good morning ~

just a quick note to let you know that "sandhills music" - the multi-part project we've been publishing here this month - is now available via the Tiny Showcase website, Bandcamp, or wherever you find music ~ I do hope you enjoy:

Ben Seretansandhills music

if you like it, please consider sharing it with someone you love :)

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#133
August 30, 2022
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a clear and common miracle

good morning ~

(click the orb of pond to listen)



Stream a clear and common miracle by benjaminseretan | Listen online for free on SoundCloud

A clear and common miracle that alloyed metal, formed into hollow tubes, can be then cut into various pythagorean lengths, ratios and measurements, then suspended from a shared frame with a wooden dis

today's email is the 4th installment of "sandhills music," commissioned by Tiny Showcase. the whole project - including another 28 minutes of music - comes out on Tuesday in a beautiful cassette tape edition and streaming online ~ stay tuned ~ ~ ~

Free post
#132
August 25, 2022
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bench full of yellowing hymns

good morning ~

(click the sunset baby grand to listen)



Stream bench full of yellowing hymns by benjaminseretan | Listen online for free on SoundCloud

One tether after another snapped and upward you ascended, a set-free hot air balloon, smoke curling airborne from a pyre, an angel returning to heaven. These were the places, the people, and the anima

today's email is part three of "sandhills music," a series commissioned by Tiny Showcase. This project will be available in a wildly beautiful cassette tape edition soon, stay tuned.

Free post
#131
August 18, 2022
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in colors just a little too vibrant to be naturally occurring

good morning ~

(click the kaleidoscope waves to listen)



Stream in colors just a little too vibrant to be naturally occurring by benjaminseretan | Listen online for free on SoundCloud

We don’t mark the time since in calendar years gone by. We don’t actively keep track of days without or however many months it’s been. What really makes it real is the summer breaking through, that’s

today's email is part 2 of "sandhills music," a series commissioned by tiny showcase ~ enjoy ~

Free post
#130
August 11, 2022
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head in the water, child

good morning ~

(click the kaleidoscope flowers to listen)



Stream head in the water, child by benjaminseretan | Listen online for free on SoundCloud

You’d spend three months riding the bus, crinkling the printer paper with your clammy fingers, route map downloaded ahead of time and inkjetted out. Late era sony discman held parallel to the bus floo

want to mention right off the bat that i'm playing with legendary sweaty DIY prog band Oneida this Saturday at No Fun in Troy, NY - - I included this last week but I neglected to include the correct link for info on the show, giving that another try now. i'll be doing a new set of music with the violinist Connor Armbruster, an extended drone that's somehow both very loud and very quiet.

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#129
August 4, 2022
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held a hair's width from my cheek

good morning ~

(click the link / drive-by berkshire sunset to listen)

My Big Breakheld a hair’s width from my cheek

image alt text

Free post
#128
July 28, 2022
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the generous body I've been blessed with

good morning ~

(click the link / buggy sunset to listen)

My Big Breakthe generous body I’ve been blessed with

a row of trees stand sharp in silhouette against a darkening sky that fades top-down from deep blue to nearly white blue to a creamy orange

Free post
#127
July 21, 2022
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criss cross applesauce right in the stream of the amp

good morning ~

(click the link / disco ball to listen)

My Big Breakcriss cross applesauce, right in the stream of the amp

image alt text

Free post
#126
July 14, 2022
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born expanded and will one day die not ready

good morning ~

(click the link / empire plaza fireworks to listen)

My Big Breakborn expanded and will one day die not ready

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Free post
#124
July 7, 2022
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hold hard the mop handle

good morning ~

(click the link / Albany underpass to listen)

My Big Breakhold hard the mop handle

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Free post
#123
June 30, 2022
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i speak bodies of water into a deeper, more restorative power

good morning ~

(click the link / rockaway takeoff to listen)

My Big BreakI speak bodies of water into a deeper, more restorative power

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Free post
#122
June 23, 2022
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the heft of something actual

good morning ~

(click the link / solarium scene to listen)

My Big Breakthe heft of something actual

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Free post
#121
June 9, 2022
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the world ought to hear the racket

good morning ~

(click the link to listen)

Ben Seretan & The EarlyIn Two

i don't have a new track for you today - ran outta time - but i do have something archival for you to hear. the record linked above - Ben Seretan & the Early's "In Two" - came out ten years and one day ago. we didn't necessarily mean for this to line up the way that it did, but I'm about to do a little run of shows with the current incarnation of the Early, so it feels appropriate to revisit this exuberant LP. you can check it out, and I wrote about it below.

Free post
#120
June 2, 2022
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never do nothing twice

good morning ~

(click the link / flash photo froggy to listen)

My Big Breaknever do nothing twice

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Free post
#119
May 26, 2022
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go, go, gone, poof

good morning ~

(click the link / terrible picture of the moon to listen)

My Big Breakgo, go, gone, poof

image alt text

Free post
#118
May 19, 2022
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the steady push of new life, warm and heaving on the sidewalk

good morning ~

(click the link / distorted piggly wiggly logo to listen)

Ben SeretanLive Waves

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Free post
#117
May 5, 2022
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paid post preview - just a helpless little invertebrate awash on the tides

good morning ~

today's edition of the newsletter is for paying subscribers only - it includes a big cloud of piano chords, lap steel whale calls, and writing about maritime law, being underwater, and running into the Pacific Ocean.

you, too, can sign up for a paid subscription via the "sign up for a premium subscription" link at the bottom of this email - you'll get every edition of this project, one tone zone a year, plus some other goodies. you'll also keep the work going - - every bit helps.

thanks for being here, regardless - - I truly appreciate it

Free post
#116
April 21, 2022
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just a helpless little invertebrate awash on the tides

good morning ~

(click the link / family of bears to listen)

image alt text

My Big Breakjust a helpless little invertebrate awash on the tides
Premium post
#115
April 21, 2022
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